From Vijay to Deepak Sehgal; the changing role of Indian Male

THE AIRPORT WAS UNEXPECTEDLY CROWDED FOR A WEEKEND EARLY morning; the chill and constant drizzle since the last 4/5 days had done little to reduce the rush. Waiting for my turn at the security check, I was looking at the people and their movements ahead of me. Some were breezing past, and some were goofing up causing the snarl. 

People traveling to the Goas and Gorakhpurs were all in one queue.

Ahead of me was this girl in her early 30s who stood out because of the way she was dressed in that damp chilly winter Bengaluru morning. Her slinky dress hung well past her knees, but the designer had chosen to lop off the back by three quarters to make some fashion statement.

The hushed exchange of words coming from a family standing behind though was not very audible, but one could guess that it’s the girl and the dress was the cause of mirth. I had joined the discussion mentally without realizing it.

My idle mind was processing questions relating to her age, her educational background, her social status, what made her wear that dress when people all around were desperate to cover themselves up. I was trying to slot it to a rational framework to fit her not so justifiable sartorial choice.

So many questions and thoughts. It broke when I realized that I was standing right at the belt to drop my hand baggage for screening. A few minutes later I could feel that I had overcome with the emotion of guilt as if I had violated that poor girl and her boundaries. Why was I feeling guilty? Are we as human beings naturally not expected to analyze things constantly as they happen around us? 

After settling near the departure gate, I started reflecting.

In this scene in Dostana, Seetal Sahni, a role played by Zeenat Aman hauls up a roadside Romeo to the police station for whistling at her and singing a suggestive song. Vijay, the Inspector in charge played by Amitabh Bacchan locks the delinquent and like any good man of those times, counseled the affected party to change her ways for her safety and public decency. His long dialogue penned by Salim-Javed included sentences like ‘Log ish kapde mein dekhke seeti nahin to kya mandir mein ghanti bajayange? Zeenat was seen mostly covered up in the rest of the movie which means the girl was disciplined. 

That was 1980.

Dostana: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=530OND2MQig).

Cut to 2016; in the movie Pink; the same Amitabh this time playing a lawyer seals his closing statement with his epoch-making thunderous ‘A NO means NO’ dialogue sending a message to the patriarchy, misogyny, and all the moral police in the society that whatever may be the background of the girl, her dress, the situation and the act she was found doing when she says NO her wishes SHALL have to be respected.

Pink: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRJE7oufEzU)

While the audience of Dostana agreed with what Amitabh said THEN and the audience of Pink also agreed with what Amitabh said NOW. In these two scenes society felt that this is what men should do. Then it was expected good men to advise, now they are advised not to advise. If a remake of Dostana is planned now will Salim-Javed write a similar dialogue and Amitabh agree to deliver it? No! These two dialogues of Amitabh as Inspector Vijay to Lawyer Deepak Saigal perhaps best describe the evolution of the role of the male in our society in these three decades.

In 2008 when a lady journalist Soumya Viswanathan was mysteriously found dead in Delhi while returning from her late-night beat. Hell broke loose when the then CM, Sheela Dixit suggested that the lady journalists avoid venturing out in the night. The reaction to her statement was noisier than what the death of the journalist had created. She was called out for her insensitive patriarchal condescending statement despite being a woman. She was asked to SHUT UP and instead do her job of making the streets of Delhi safer. Perhaps our parents in this situation would still say what she said, she chose not to react. Biju Pattnaik in her position perhaps would have said like what Amitabh said in Dostana in the 80s in his inimitable ways but imagine the size of the backlash he would have faced.

I after thinking deeply about these changes realized how brick by brick the role of men in our society has been changed. His role as a physically superior, Protector, Provider, Guardian, Custodian of the family, and responsible towards the society has not only been questioned but challenged. So much so that they are now conditioned into feeling guilty if they engage in any one of the above acts.

They have been asked and taught not to judge, not to give an opinion, and to shut up, keep off, stay off, look the other way, walk away from most of their so-called masculine roles. The poor man as a father can’t give his opinion on his children fearing patriarchy, on his wife fearing the label of being chauvinistic, on other women, misogyny, to his friends fearing the label sexist.

Society evolves at a glacial pace with one generation drawing inspiration from its preceding generation and mostly leaving theirs as a leitmotif for the next. On International Men’s Day, my thought goes out to the men of my generation, whose role has been changed so much and so fast that if whatever he does will ever qualify as a positive example in the future? Men look like the new dartboard.

Benne Masala Dosa and COP26

As I sat in this neighborhood restaurant in Bangalore enjoying my sinful Benne Dosa dripping of hot butter I saw the picture of a smiling face on the counter, garlanded; It seemed familiar. It was the picture of Puneet Rajkumar the heartthrob of millions. He had tragically died of a heart attack while working out in the gym; he was only 46. Today happens to be the last day of COP26 Glasgow, where the world leaders had huddled to declare the world of their commitments to take actions to save the world from overheating – which is projected to rise by 2.7 C by the end of this century.

My mind sensed that there was something common that connected these two events. It started brewing in my mind triggered by a cup of freshly brewed filter coffee. I let my mind wander.

I am no doctor but the new age obsession to build a six-pack herculean body fed on a custom-made diet and exercise regime is what our body evolutionarily perhaps was not designed to take. Some of us have redefined what once was called fitness and have replaced it with the picture of a roman wrestler whose sole purpose of existence was only to eat and fight. Nothing morally wrong in what Puneet was doing one would say but did he overdo his fitness bit? His fans and friends must be wishing what if he had not overdone this.

The climate change situation is alarming, and it’s said that there is no time, and we need to act fast. The world leaders chose to stay non-committal and have let the slide continue. We have clearly overdone many things in our pursuit of comfort and convenience over the past two hundred years. And I am sure that soon we will regret that we didn’t act in time in the past.

A friend from the past had called up yesterday and we spoke long over the phone catching up on things after years. This once used to be a daily routine between us till things turned sour. I was awkward and not comfortable speaking to someone after a long gap. After years of detachment when I look back, I realize how I had overstepped my limits and overstayed in that space. This is a pang of guilt, the burden of which I carry even now.

Many of us live with a sense of loss after losing someone dear, emotionally scarred, harboring the feeling of hurt because of broken relationships. The earth with its air, water soil damaged irreversibly because of our own lifestyle and realized in hindsight that all these things which have damaged us today could have been avoided had we paused or stopped at the right time.

Not that we didn’t know, there were dozens of omens, alerts, and advice of the impending danger but we had chosen to ignore for pleasure or short-term gains. Why do we choose to do so? Why do we miss that right moment when we should have slowed, paused, stopped, or stepped back and prevented things from worsening further? What happens to the rational man at these critical junctures?

Ignore all these discussions; should I, myself not have opted for a regular dosa instead of this buttery treat?