From Vijay to Deepak Sehgal; the changing role of Indian Male

THE AIRPORT WAS UNEXPECTEDLY CROWDED FOR A WEEKEND EARLY morning; the chill and constant drizzle since the last 4/5 days had done little to reduce the rush. Waiting for my turn at the security check, I was looking at the people and their movements ahead of me. Some were breezing past, and some were goofing up causing the snarl. 

People traveling to the Goas and Gorakhpurs were all in one queue.

Ahead of me was this girl in her early 30s who stood out because of the way she was dressed in that damp chilly winter Bengaluru morning. Her slinky dress hung well past her knees, but the designer had chosen to lop off the back by three quarters to make some fashion statement.

The hushed exchange of words coming from a family standing behind though was not very audible, but one could guess that it’s the girl and the dress was the cause of mirth. I had joined the discussion mentally without realizing it.

My idle mind was processing questions relating to her age, her educational background, her social status, what made her wear that dress when people all around were desperate to cover themselves up. I was trying to slot it to a rational framework to fit her not so justifiable sartorial choice.

So many questions and thoughts. It broke when I realized that I was standing right at the belt to drop my hand baggage for screening. A few minutes later I could feel that I had overcome with the emotion of guilt as if I had violated that poor girl and her boundaries. Why was I feeling guilty? Are we as human beings naturally not expected to analyze things constantly as they happen around us? 

After settling near the departure gate, I started reflecting.

In this scene in Dostana, Seetal Sahni, a role played by Zeenat Aman hauls up a roadside Romeo to the police station for whistling at her and singing a suggestive song. Vijay, the Inspector in charge played by Amitabh Bacchan locks the delinquent and like any good man of those times, counseled the affected party to change her ways for her safety and public decency. His long dialogue penned by Salim-Javed included sentences like ‘Log ish kapde mein dekhke seeti nahin to kya mandir mein ghanti bajayange? Zeenat was seen mostly covered up in the rest of the movie which means the girl was disciplined. 

That was 1980.

Dostana: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=530OND2MQig).

Cut to 2016; in the movie Pink; the same Amitabh this time playing a lawyer seals his closing statement with his epoch-making thunderous ‘A NO means NO’ dialogue sending a message to the patriarchy, misogyny, and all the moral police in the society that whatever may be the background of the girl, her dress, the situation and the act she was found doing when she says NO her wishes SHALL have to be respected.

Pink: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRJE7oufEzU)

While the audience of Dostana agreed with what Amitabh said THEN and the audience of Pink also agreed with what Amitabh said NOW. In these two scenes society felt that this is what men should do. Then it was expected good men to advise, now they are advised not to advise. If a remake of Dostana is planned now will Salim-Javed write a similar dialogue and Amitabh agree to deliver it? No! These two dialogues of Amitabh as Inspector Vijay to Lawyer Deepak Saigal perhaps best describe the evolution of the role of the male in our society in these three decades.

In 2008 when a lady journalist Soumya Viswanathan was mysteriously found dead in Delhi while returning from her late-night beat. Hell broke loose when the then CM, Sheela Dixit suggested that the lady journalists avoid venturing out in the night. The reaction to her statement was noisier than what the death of the journalist had created. She was called out for her insensitive patriarchal condescending statement despite being a woman. She was asked to SHUT UP and instead do her job of making the streets of Delhi safer. Perhaps our parents in this situation would still say what she said, she chose not to react. Biju Pattnaik in her position perhaps would have said like what Amitabh said in Dostana in the 80s in his inimitable ways but imagine the size of the backlash he would have faced.

I after thinking deeply about these changes realized how brick by brick the role of men in our society has been changed. His role as a physically superior, Protector, Provider, Guardian, Custodian of the family, and responsible towards the society has not only been questioned but challenged. So much so that they are now conditioned into feeling guilty if they engage in any one of the above acts.

They have been asked and taught not to judge, not to give an opinion, and to shut up, keep off, stay off, look the other way, walk away from most of their so-called masculine roles. The poor man as a father can’t give his opinion on his children fearing patriarchy, on his wife fearing the label of being chauvinistic, on other women, misogyny, to his friends fearing the label sexist.

Society evolves at a glacial pace with one generation drawing inspiration from its preceding generation and mostly leaving theirs as a leitmotif for the next. On International Men’s Day, my thought goes out to the men of my generation, whose role has been changed so much and so fast that if whatever he does will ever qualify as a positive example in the future? Men look like the new dartboard.

Benne Masala Dosa and COP26

As I sat in this neighborhood restaurant in Bangalore enjoying my sinful Benne Dosa dripping of hot butter I saw the picture of a smiling face on the counter, garlanded; It seemed familiar. It was the picture of Puneet Rajkumar the heartthrob of millions. He had tragically died of a heart attack while working out in the gym; he was only 46. Today happens to be the last day of COP26 Glasgow, where the world leaders had huddled to declare the world of their commitments to take actions to save the world from overheating – which is projected to rise by 2.7 C by the end of this century.

My mind sensed that there was something common that connected these two events. It started brewing in my mind triggered by a cup of freshly brewed filter coffee. I let my mind wander.

I am no doctor but the new age obsession to build a six-pack herculean body fed on a custom-made diet and exercise regime is what our body evolutionarily perhaps was not designed to take. Some of us have redefined what once was called fitness and have replaced it with the picture of a roman wrestler whose sole purpose of existence was only to eat and fight. Nothing morally wrong in what Puneet was doing one would say but did he overdo his fitness bit? His fans and friends must be wishing what if he had not overdone this.

The climate change situation is alarming, and it’s said that there is no time, and we need to act fast. The world leaders chose to stay non-committal and have let the slide continue. We have clearly overdone many things in our pursuit of comfort and convenience over the past two hundred years. And I am sure that soon we will regret that we didn’t act in time in the past.

A friend from the past had called up yesterday and we spoke long over the phone catching up on things after years. This once used to be a daily routine between us till things turned sour. I was awkward and not comfortable speaking to someone after a long gap. After years of detachment when I look back, I realize how I had overstepped my limits and overstayed in that space. This is a pang of guilt, the burden of which I carry even now.

Many of us live with a sense of loss after losing someone dear, emotionally scarred, harboring the feeling of hurt because of broken relationships. The earth with its air, water soil damaged irreversibly because of our own lifestyle and realized in hindsight that all these things which have damaged us today could have been avoided had we paused or stopped at the right time.

Not that we didn’t know, there were dozens of omens, alerts, and advice of the impending danger but we had chosen to ignore for pleasure or short-term gains. Why do we choose to do so? Why do we miss that right moment when we should have slowed, paused, stopped, or stepped back and prevented things from worsening further? What happens to the rational man at these critical junctures?

Ignore all these discussions; should I, myself not have opted for a regular dosa instead of this buttery treat? 

 

A Talk During Climate Change

Sharing an interesting conversation between a wise senior and his adolescent partner which I overheard during my morning walk today. What was heartening was the curiosity of the boy and the way his senior led him during the discussion to help him understand the relationship between human action and climate change. 

Today is the anniversary of the 1999 super cyclone and the #COP26glasgow is about to start in a few days. Discussion of this kind assures us that there is still hope left. But the passivity of the administrative wing of the government is so distant from this global issue while its own policy declaration sheds crocodile tears actually is the real cause of alarm.

Q. What is this Super Cyclone I see being discussed in the media?

A cyclone had happened on this day of 29^th October 1999 over Paradeep. People saw wind speed up to 260 Kmph and some 10,000 people died. It continues to be the worst we have faced so far but we are not sure what’s coming next and when. From that day we have seen so many cyclones big and small and the last one was Amphan which luckily bypassed Odisha. It is happening due to climate change.

Q. What is Climate Change and what is this discussion that I see in the media?

Climate Change is the dramatic change in the weather pattern caused by the rise in Green House Gases in the environment which can be attributed to industrial and individual human activities.

Q. What’s the problem? We seem to be better prepared now to face it.

Yes, on the surface, from 10000 deaths to 218 now we seem to be better prepared, but the total cost of damage is huge, and it reverses so much of developmental outcomes.

Humanity is facing the twin challenges of the desperate need for development and the catastrophic outcome of damages done to the environment because of its activities over the last hundred plus years. Humanity now stands facing an irreversible global crisis that is much bigger than the extinctions of the past. It stands to affect everyone in ways we are not prepared to tackle. The benefits of all the development in one area can get swept away just by one cyclone. Most parts of Mumbai can get submerged if the sea level rises by a meter. This will have a chain effect that will impact those who are thousands of miles away. The economy is like our environment - there are no boundaries. Humanity is collectively facing it together.

Q. What are the choices we have?

We don’t have the choice of opting for one and not the other. Both are not mutually exclusive but are highly interdependent. One has to balance it and slow the pace of damage to bring the earth to an equilibrium.

Q. Then how do we balance it?

It’s left with just one choice to conduct its activities responsibly. That is first by ensuring that the global value chain does its best by closing the leakages at all levels of economic activities to minimize resource depletion, minimization of waste and emission.

This is easier said than done!

Yes, that is the reason why this discussion is being made. Human activities involve just not his lifestyle, attitude, and behaviour in its simplistic manifestation but the same and additionally the interest of the thousands of organizations big and small who take part in production till waste management.

Q. How do we tackle this?

First by being responsible. By being responsible we mean that the fact of depletion, waste, and emission arising directly from his activities should remain in very entities subconscious and he should feel responsible to minimize it by changing his behaviour and constantly looking at newer ways to constantly reduce it.

Q. Is it possible?

Theoretically being carbon neutral is impossible but the intent to go neutral and change in the behaviour at every individual or value chain level can show dramatic change at the level of Society, Environment and Individual.

Q. How?

When we talk of change in behaviour or practice at the level of organizations, we talk of our usage; how properly we use it and keep it maintained. We all know how a properly used and maintained car not only gives good mileage but remains in working condition well beyond its official life. The change in the behaviour can immediately be seen at the level of the environment in reduced emissions, extended life means that the load on the resources at the level of production and manufacturing is lessened and the efficiency and extended life of the car reduces the total cost of ownership of the individual.

Well, it's simple right?

Though to a motivated person, it is. But very difficult at the level of organizations which have thousands of people, acres of real estate, and thousands of micro and small assets of hundreds of categories. And then there are well-established interests deeply entrenched in keeping the system inefficient and being inefficient in an unsupervised setup.

Q. What is the way?

Technology has come to the rescue of individuals and enterprises to help them do responsible business. It helps organizations establish a system of proper use and maintenance of their assets by its human resources. Smart monitoring tools can not only govern all the organization's activities but also provide a measurement of the benefits which is accrued at the level of organization, environment, and society.

Q. Then what’s stopping us?

Well, that’s something you need to answer. What is stopping you from being responsible?

Riding on a broom to the Moon

Many would have heard this story of JFK visiting NASA space center. He spots a janitor with a broom, introduces himself, and asks him what he is doing. 

"Well, Mr. President," the janitor responded, "I'm helping put a man on the moon." 

To many, this janitor was a menial worker just cleaning the building and his contribution to the stopped there. But the larger story unfolding around him in the background, he was the proud member of a team that was helping to make history. Is it not?

Here is the point. It's not the janitor but the leader behind this mission who had injected that sense of belongingness into the team which aligned everyone with a higher purpose which the organization is pursuing.

Was he an aberration or we can find such motivated members across organizations? How many people do you feel we would bump into in an organization who have that sense of pride because of the purpose of the organization and also for the direct and indirect contribution of their role to the organization achieving its objectives? 

A trip in public transport, a field trip or a visit to an organization offers beautiful opportunities to us to observe people and their relationship with the organizations they work for. More technically speaking if they are aligned with the purpose of the organization they are working for.

A question about their work mostly does not elicit anything beyond the department and their job description at the most. The relationship between his role and its contribution to the organization in achieving its goals will always be missing. No matter how large or small your role, you are contributing to the larger story unfolding within your life, your business, and your organization. Why is this lost on most of the members?

What do organization leaders do about it?

Dr. John Paul Kotter, Professor of Leadership, Emeritus, at Harvard Business School, author, and founder of the management consulting firm Kotter International created this organizational change business strategy.

[Read more at: https://www.experiencetolead.com/three-methods-of-organizational-alignment/]

It’s one thing to hope for such alignment in an organization but very difficult to achieve in its totality. Many variables at each of its constituents and the ecosystem it is being tried in make it a challenging task. But when your entire team embraces that type of attitude and belief system, incredible things can happen.

So let us give it a try!

The Culture of Quality

A few days back few of my friends got into a casual conversation over someone’s posting on his Facebook wall on this slogan ‘Make in India’.

I commented that our country will continue to remain hopeless if there is general feeling and accepted belief that to excel in one's chosen field, he has to leave his own country. Because we have not produced anything worthwhile after giving ‘0’ to humanity, hence we do not get the world’s investment attention. To which a friend quipped, quality is available to people who Value quality, and we don’t value quality. 

Don’t we value quality? Don’t we expect quality? Yes, we do.

Most of our cribbing hovers around the falling standards in every sphere around us. From relationships, the education system, organizations, and society at large. Start any discussion on quality everyone jumps into this trip – how they only see mediocrity and averages around them. This blame narrative is mostly heard in the academic communities which now are infamous for their dangerously falling standards.

When everyone expects high quality, then why don’t we get it?

If our chat on Fb both of us were talking about the same thing - about the culture of the society which values quality, but I additionally was hinting at our behavior which contributes to the collective societal value system. Around that time, I chanced upon a video snippet by the author Simon Sinek where he was breaking down the society with its Culture as Value + Behaviour. 

Though the value can be at the collective and individual level, the behavior is always individual. I had this personal experience recently which is relevant to this issue of individual behavior and how it evolves in its ecosystem.

I had written a small note on my project as a primer. Though I felt that this is good enough for the immediate needs, something deep inside told me that this needs improvement. And only experts from this field can help. I sent it across to two academician friends who work in the related space; expecting them to find that elusive scope for improvement.

One sent back after few hours with few corrections which were nothing more than typos - was expectedly disappointed. The other sent it back a day later with detailed comments and suggestions. Enthused by the feedback, I joined the editing effort and made changes as suggested and sent back hoping that it’s the end of it.

No! she sent back with more comments. That went on more than 4 times.

If one compares the product with the first version; he can see two different documents – both classes apart. The end-product bore the signature of that habit of someone to naturally push things for excellence and not to stop before achieving it.

Was the former insincere? My answer will be no!

Both are the product of two different cultures. One culture values quality and the other does not. Because the former does not let average pass the gate; she has grown in the culture of striving to achieve excellence in her work and that has formed into a habit that now manifests in her behavior. Thousands like her are produced in that culture and contribute back to the culture through their behavior. Quality is a by-product of what our Society collectively values and nurtures and the discipline to which we individually agree to submit ourselves to.

Let us face the truth and bite the bitter pill. To expect a culture of quality or excellence in our own lives, in our organizations we need to start practicing it ourselves. It can only happen by first not accepting the average quality just because there are people around us who accept it. Let us submit ourselves to the grind of polishing our work through umpteen iterations till it reaches a higher level of excellence. When we expect it from our employees, our clients would be expecting it from us.

The Same Dawn

Predawn sky.

Motley birds waking up building up a chorus of their own,

Few morning walkers on the road,

Few minutes left for us to grab the fresh air before the city wakes up.

The bleating of a herd of goats as they are eased down a carriage,

The eerie sound of the chopper grinding against the sharpener,

Few minutes left for the goats to breathe for the last time before the city wakes up.

The same dawn!

Balance Sheet 2020

As a year draws to a close, one is always tempted to look back at it with clinical detachment.

Towards the end of 2019 with 2020 on the horizon, I saw the approaching period perhaps as our time which has come. I have always been partial to a number composed of 0s and 2s – 2020 was simply perfect in its composition. 2020 with its rhyming and symmetrical look somehow assured me of a better time ahead.

2019 was a mixed bag of personal losses and successes. Many events in the first few months of the year reaffirmed my hunch that good times are indeed ahead – the bounce in my gait was visible. And towards the end of March what hit us like a tsunami was unprecedented in its global impact and unbelievable - now even after 9 months of being thrown under it. But the most amazing thing is that we have survived underwater.

That is a victory of human survival instinct and resilience. I must thank my clients and colleagues and friends who stood by us. 

If there were occurrences of unexpected deaths of close relatives rattling us at the core for a moment, the calm composure of their nearer ones in accepting the inevitable was inspiring; giving us the message that life has to go on and the story of life is made of such episodes.

All our masking, sanitizing, bunkering in our own silos, distancing from everyone to escape the dreaded virus came to naught when my whole family along with most of my colleagues were found positive in a gap of a few days – almost collapsing our organization structure.

The source of infection is still a mystery but our spirit and ability to fight together and win was the new discovery.

We could sail through the period with many friends who stood by us like a rock helping us with our treatment and supplying us things as basic as meals three times a day, forging a lifetime bond. That period also made us see the worst of some friends; their insensitivity and callousness helped us to finally take a call to pull the plug on them.

Removing toxic elements from life is like doing periodic maintenance of your car if you want it to last longer.

If there were voids created by the departure of few close ones, few like Lalatendu Jena, Biranchi Panda, and Manoj Behera breezed into my life giving it a completely new meaning and direction. The road ahead and the journey with them looks so promising and exciting.

Before I realized, they had occupied their space in my heart with their goodness and had almost become family.

If the year before we lost Mikey, which we are still trying to come to terms with and get over the grief; this year we had Simba, a Dachshund, and Kai, a Pitbull Terrier enter our family making our house look like a joyous menagerie. What is a torn sofa cover to our guests, seems like a hickey to us.

They still do not comprehend why a torn pair of socks and a gnawed pair of sleepers make us smile?

God has an amazing way of compensating our losses and to make us look forward and stay hopeful in life. Today, on the last day of the year I am in deep gratitude when I see my family unscathed, my business getting back on its feet, and for all the new friends and lovely pets who have entered our life and have come to stay with us.

God bless and wish you all a Happy New Year!