Jadoo ki Jhappi - doesn't have to be physical

A few days back Ratan Tata said, “You don't know what it is to be lonely, until you spend time alone wishing for companionship”; to many of us that was happening to someone, somewhere else.

A common description of loneliness is the feeling we get when our need for rewarding social contact and relationships is not met. Loneliness is a state of mind. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. It is marked by feelings of isolation despite wanting social connections. It is often perceived as an involuntary separation, rejection, or abandonment by other people. There is a difference between Loneliness and Solitude. If the latter can be therapeutic at times the former is corrosive.

 

Speaking of Ratan Tata, we subconsciously compared his situation with ours - Lonely, old, rich, unmarried gentleman without children, living alone in a big house. We may not be as rich or may not have that big a bungalow; but we have family, children, friends and so many other social contacts and engagements never to have a lonely moment. Simultaneously we started thinking of our relatives who already are rendered lonely or will become soon because of the death of their partners or the migration of their children on a gravy train. We worry about them while counting our many blessings and thank God that we are not in their situation.

 

Really? Now take this test.

 

Imagine these situations. You are elated after meeting someone who validated your conviction of an idea you have been working on for the last few years. You had an awesome meeting with your client and almost bagged the deal of your lifetime. You feel utterly defeated because you were let down by an associate. You felt utterly ignored by a friend you knew for years at a party. Now you want to share your joy and sorrow with someone who has the time to listen to you and empathize with your feelings? You have some 1500+ numbers in your phonebook; now select five. 

 

You don’t have to tell the result. Most would not have found the first one even. Let’s face it.

 

Despite being amidst a sea of people, most of us are lonely. It feels like being at a social gathering of people you know no one. The difference here is that you know everyone but there is an invisible barrier that is preventing the human connection. Many of us lack empathy and compassion for others. All are so busy with our life’s problems that there is no time in their hand to think about others’ lives and to check if anyone would be needing them. The virtual clamour on the social media platform successfully hides the lack of human interaction or touches in the society we are living in at present.

 

What do you call a society where humans have become stones and teddy bears and pet dogs have replaced humans when it comes to exchanging human touches? 

 

Is the problem of recent origin or has exacerbated by the dramatic change in lifestyle triggered by nuclear family structures, migration, and technology?

 

Leo Tolstoy captured this emotional state of humans through the feelings of a father who had lost his son that morning and his desperate attempts to share his grief with someone. After failing to find a human to share that with; he discharges his pent-up grief on the horse that drew his coach. He didn’t want money or any help; Just someone with compassion who agrees to compassionately listen to his grief. 

 

As relevant today as when it was written.

 

When in 1970 Neeraj Sridhar used the phrase ‘Bheed Ke Beech Akela’ in the song Phoolon Ke Rang Se, he never could have imagined how relevant, and representative his metaphor of the general feelings of a society of lonely people is even in 2020. 

 

I was listening to Ruskin Bond at the Bhubaneswar Literary Festival and he before signing off requested the audience and readers to keep writing to him. He light-heartedly said that the validation of the readers still matters to him at this age too. We thought an author of his level of accomplishment wouldn’t care what his readers think of his writings. 

 

How wrong we are.

 

If I could never forgive my closest friend who didn’t think it was important for him to speak to me even once when I was losing my father slowly over 15 days and showed up two days after his death; I also will not forget the compassionate gesture of that angel who packed all her furry friends in a car let them loose in our house one full evening the very next day I lost my dearest pet dog. While my closest friend didn’t have the eye to see the pain I could be going through, this girl who hardly knew me thought of relieving me of my grief of losing a family member. 

 

The above two examples describe what compassion and human touch mean to a person in grief especially when he is falling apart. Our personal lives are rife with experiences of disappointments meted out by our close ones and surprises coming from unknown persons. 

 

Let’s accept that though our bodies are designed to respond to touch, not just to sense the environment around us; we have a network of dedicated nerve fibres in our skin that detect and emotionally react to the human touches of another person — affirming our relationships, our social connections and even our sense of self. 

 

For a social person of higher emotional order, these are the essentials on which his identity exists. 

 

When we are overcome by the feeling of loneliness, we are not craving human contact, but human touches. If we want a society that provides us with all the human contacts and touches, we need, are we ourselves doing it for others? 

 

Bruce Springsteen in his song Human Touch writes…  

 

I ain't lookin' for praise or pity

I ain't comin' 'round searchin' for a crutch

I just want someone to talk to

And a little of that human touch

Just a little of that human touch

Share a little of that human touch

Feel a little of that human touch [2]

Share a little of that human touch

Feel a little of that human touch

Give me a little of that human touch [2}

 

Dial into others’ lives to check if they are fine and need your time and compassion; It’s time we stopped waiting for someone else to call. Jadoo ki jhappi doesn’t have to be physical.

Sustainable Living – We are facing the consequence of ignoring our traditional values.

A recent UNEP article stated “To combat the climate crisis and secure a safe future below 1.5°C, the world needs to cut emissions of planet-warming greenhouse gasses by 50 percent within the decade. Individuals and policymakers can help secure a healthier planet through their sustainable choices. Research shows that lifestyle changes could help the planet slash emissions by up to 70% by 2050. For many, ambitious targets such as this can induce a sense of dread and paralysis. But experts say there is a lot we can do as individuals to counter climate change.” 

At the core of this statement is the expectation of the global body to reduce our load on Natural Resources, Waste, and emissions. What we are asked to reduce now, basically emanates from our routine and mindless consumption of our past which we termed as Anthropogenic Activities. Sustainable living means changing our consumption in the areas of food, mobility, housing, and leisure so that our load on Earth comes down. 

A few questions come to mind.

Why does the phrase ‘Sustainable Living’ sound like some exotic recently discovered secret lifestyle formula? Is that so? Do we need a scientist or an expert to tell us about the outcome of unbridled consumption?

The same people who propounded the consumption-based economic models of development making us follow them like the rats of Hamlin are the ones who are advising us on how to lead a sustainable lifestyle leaving us in awe and a state of paralysis. So much has been our development in these years that we have forgotten how to find our way in a city in the absence of Google Maps.

Anyone of us who is old enough would recall how just a few decades back life was small, houses were small, vehicles were small and few, roads were narrow but there was no traffic jam, calories in our diet were low, we had fewer clothes to choose from and the need to commute was not beyond few kilometres. All our friends stayed in the neighborhood and very few of them were obese. The aspirations of that generation were basic. Anyone of us who had the good fortune of seeing the tribal communities from close quarters would remember their beautiful basic houses - built with locally available materials which had articles not more than a dozen which met all their lifestyle requirements. In the subsequent decades, we also witnessed the deterioration in the name of development and now these memories adorn our minds and the pages of a few bloggers.

Didn’t we inherit that as our traditional wisdom? Do we need empirical evidence by scientists and academics to realize or accept it; when our mythology, literature, words of the sages, and philosophers have been advising against falling into the trap?

When did we stop consciously living a small life and enjoying things small?

Today, on the 1st Death Anniversary of my father, I remember how negatively he reacted to my second car purchase. His verdict was clear – he wouldn’t enter the house unless the commitment to sell off the first car was given to him. I learned early that I could never impress him by acquiring material wealth as a sign of success. How my close relatives went back with earfuls for daring to buy him new clothes when he felt that the need for his clothes stands at zero now that he is retired. When he fell sick, those visitors who brought him a Bournvita would carry a Horlicks back as a return gift and the one who brought a Horlicks would go back with a Bournvita. He ensured that he had just one of each type needed for his recuperation. He disliked if more items were served on the table or if anyone ate more. He was never in awe of someone having more material wealth and assiduously stayed off people in power and position. In my lifetime, I have never seen him trying to be accepted in any exclusive club and hobnob with powers bigger than him. He despised wearing a suit and being seen at the Governor’s At Home where he was expected to be present officially. He left behind a cupboard which had a few clothes, a pair of shoes and a sneaker and just two files. One is his pension papers and CGHS details, and another is the ownership documents of his landed properties. I, throughout the last year, have been searching to find any unfinished task left behind by him – I have found none. He had completed all his tasks and discharged all his worldly responsibilities fully. 

He could do it because he had internal brakes on his needs and consumption.

His credo was simple. Live small and within your means. Living with dignity was more important than living a life of luxury. Lead a modest lifestyle and don’t invite the jealousy of your neighborhood. Don’t be over-ambitious and leave most of the things unfinished; you are not expected to leave behind an empire or legacy – just complete your life’s responsibilities. And the list didn’t include him, there were many in our family who not only espoused those values but lived them by example.

Many of the previous generations lived a sustainable life which we find exotic and impossible to adopt now. Where are such people now who represent a sustainable lifestyle? Our ancestors have left behind no liabilities but a chest full of values and principles relevant to the present crisis which we are desperately trying to come out of. When did we exactly throw that inherited wisdom from our societal value systems and agree to be a part of the model that equated consumption as the sole measurement of development? 

A closer look will tell us that the current society is led by those who are in their 50s. And this generation since the 90s has untiringly tried to scramble up the material ladder to be termed as successful. It has reached the speed of a running train. The momentum is so much that it is becoming difficult to break. This cohort has lost the habit and the opportunity to be the sustainability models; hence the task seems daunting. 

But have we lost the right to be so? Nah!

We can achieve our goals of a sustainable lifestyle if and only if we redefine success and start celebrating small again. Parents, Teachers, Leaders, Community Leaders, and Spiritual Leaders must start talking about the various ways to lead a small life by reducing our consumption, thus reducing our load on resources, waste, and emissions. We know that the logic of Scientists and the purposeless mechanical efforts of the Government has never been effective in changing people’s behaviour and attitude. Even after 75 years of independence, the gaps in the policy intent and the outcomes remain glaringly static on the ground unless some have been led by people themselves. Let’s not shirk our responsibilities by delegating them to others. 

We must lead by example not to save Earth but ourselves. When it’s about doing less and not more, it’s easy.