From Vijay to Deepak Sehgal; the changing role of Indian Male

THE AIRPORT WAS UNEXPECTEDLY CROWDED FOR A WEEKEND EARLY morning; the chill and constant drizzle since the last 4/5 days had done little to reduce the rush. Waiting for my turn at the security check, I was looking at the people and their movements ahead of me. Some were breezing past, and some were goofing up causing the snarl. 

People traveling to the Goas and Gorakhpurs were all in one queue.

Ahead of me was this girl in her early 30s who stood out because of the way she was dressed in that damp chilly winter Bengaluru morning. Her slinky dress hung well past her knees, but the designer had chosen to lop off the back by three quarters to make some fashion statement.

The hushed exchange of words coming from a family standing behind though was not very audible, but one could guess that it’s the girl and the dress was the cause of mirth. I had joined the discussion mentally without realizing it.

My idle mind was processing questions relating to her age, her educational background, her social status, what made her wear that dress when people all around were desperate to cover themselves up. I was trying to slot it to a rational framework to fit her not so justifiable sartorial choice.

So many questions and thoughts. It broke when I realized that I was standing right at the belt to drop my hand baggage for screening. A few minutes later I could feel that I had overcome with the emotion of guilt as if I had violated that poor girl and her boundaries. Why was I feeling guilty? Are we as human beings naturally not expected to analyze things constantly as they happen around us? 

After settling near the departure gate, I started reflecting.

In this scene in Dostana, Seetal Sahni, a role played by Zeenat Aman hauls up a roadside Romeo to the police station for whistling at her and singing a suggestive song. Vijay, the Inspector in charge played by Amitabh Bacchan locks the delinquent and like any good man of those times, counseled the affected party to change her ways for her safety and public decency. His long dialogue penned by Salim-Javed included sentences like ‘Log ish kapde mein dekhke seeti nahin to kya mandir mein ghanti bajayange? Zeenat was seen mostly covered up in the rest of the movie which means the girl was disciplined. 

That was 1980.

Dostana: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=530OND2MQig).

Cut to 2016; in the movie Pink; the same Amitabh this time playing a lawyer seals his closing statement with his epoch-making thunderous ‘A NO means NO’ dialogue sending a message to the patriarchy, misogyny, and all the moral police in the society that whatever may be the background of the girl, her dress, the situation and the act she was found doing when she says NO her wishes SHALL have to be respected.

Pink: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRJE7oufEzU)

While the audience of Dostana agreed with what Amitabh said THEN and the audience of Pink also agreed with what Amitabh said NOW. In these two scenes society felt that this is what men should do. Then it was expected good men to advise, now they are advised not to advise. If a remake of Dostana is planned now will Salim-Javed write a similar dialogue and Amitabh agree to deliver it? No! These two dialogues of Amitabh as Inspector Vijay to Lawyer Deepak Saigal perhaps best describe the evolution of the role of the male in our society in these three decades.

In 2008 when a lady journalist Soumya Viswanathan was mysteriously found dead in Delhi while returning from her late-night beat. Hell broke loose when the then CM, Sheela Dixit suggested that the lady journalists avoid venturing out in the night. The reaction to her statement was noisier than what the death of the journalist had created. She was called out for her insensitive patriarchal condescending statement despite being a woman. She was asked to SHUT UP and instead do her job of making the streets of Delhi safer. Perhaps our parents in this situation would still say what she said, she chose not to react. Biju Pattnaik in her position perhaps would have said like what Amitabh said in Dostana in the 80s in his inimitable ways but imagine the size of the backlash he would have faced.

I after thinking deeply about these changes realized how brick by brick the role of men in our society has been changed. His role as a physically superior, Protector, Provider, Guardian, Custodian of the family, and responsible towards the society has not only been questioned but challenged. So much so that they are now conditioned into feeling guilty if they engage in any one of the above acts.

They have been asked and taught not to judge, not to give an opinion, and to shut up, keep off, stay off, look the other way, walk away from most of their so-called masculine roles. The poor man as a father can’t give his opinion on his children fearing patriarchy, on his wife fearing the label of being chauvinistic, on other women, misogyny, to his friends fearing the label sexist.

Society evolves at a glacial pace with one generation drawing inspiration from its preceding generation and mostly leaving theirs as a leitmotif for the next. On International Men’s Day, my thought goes out to the men of my generation, whose role has been changed so much and so fast that if whatever he does will ever qualify as a positive example in the future? Men look like the new dartboard.

Benne Masala Dosa and COP26

As I sat in this neighborhood restaurant in Bangalore enjoying my sinful Benne Dosa dripping of hot butter I saw the picture of a smiling face on the counter, garlanded; It seemed familiar. It was the picture of Puneet Rajkumar the heartthrob of millions. He had tragically died of a heart attack while working out in the gym; he was only 46. Today happens to be the last day of COP26 Glasgow, where the world leaders had huddled to declare the world of their commitments to take actions to save the world from overheating – which is projected to rise by 2.7 C by the end of this century.

My mind sensed that there was something common that connected these two events. It started brewing in my mind triggered by a cup of freshly brewed filter coffee. I let my mind wander.

I am no doctor but the new age obsession to build a six-pack herculean body fed on a custom-made diet and exercise regime is what our body evolutionarily perhaps was not designed to take. Some of us have redefined what once was called fitness and have replaced it with the picture of a roman wrestler whose sole purpose of existence was only to eat and fight. Nothing morally wrong in what Puneet was doing one would say but did he overdo his fitness bit? His fans and friends must be wishing what if he had not overdone this.

The climate change situation is alarming, and it’s said that there is no time, and we need to act fast. The world leaders chose to stay non-committal and have let the slide continue. We have clearly overdone many things in our pursuit of comfort and convenience over the past two hundred years. And I am sure that soon we will regret that we didn’t act in time in the past.

A friend from the past had called up yesterday and we spoke long over the phone catching up on things after years. This once used to be a daily routine between us till things turned sour. I was awkward and not comfortable speaking to someone after a long gap. After years of detachment when I look back, I realize how I had overstepped my limits and overstayed in that space. This is a pang of guilt, the burden of which I carry even now.

Many of us live with a sense of loss after losing someone dear, emotionally scarred, harboring the feeling of hurt because of broken relationships. The earth with its air, water soil damaged irreversibly because of our own lifestyle and realized in hindsight that all these things which have damaged us today could have been avoided had we paused or stopped at the right time.

Not that we didn’t know, there were dozens of omens, alerts, and advice of the impending danger but we had chosen to ignore for pleasure or short-term gains. Why do we choose to do so? Why do we miss that right moment when we should have slowed, paused, stopped, or stepped back and prevented things from worsening further? What happens to the rational man at these critical junctures?

Ignore all these discussions; should I, myself not have opted for a regular dosa instead of this buttery treat? 

 

A Talk During Climate Change

Sharing an interesting conversation between a wise senior and his adolescent partner which I overheard during my morning walk today. What was heartening was the curiosity of the boy and the way his senior led him during the discussion to help him understand the relationship between human action and climate change. 

Today is the anniversary of the 1999 super cyclone and the #COP26glasgow is about to start in a few days. Discussion of this kind assures us that there is still hope left. But the passivity of the administrative wing of the government is so distant from this global issue while its own policy declaration sheds crocodile tears actually is the real cause of alarm.

Q. What is this Super Cyclone I see being discussed in the media?

A cyclone had happened on this day of 29^th October 1999 over Paradeep. People saw wind speed up to 260 Kmph and some 10,000 people died. It continues to be the worst we have faced so far but we are not sure what’s coming next and when. From that day we have seen so many cyclones big and small and the last one was Amphan which luckily bypassed Odisha. It is happening due to climate change.

Q. What is Climate Change and what is this discussion that I see in the media?

Climate Change is the dramatic change in the weather pattern caused by the rise in Green House Gases in the environment which can be attributed to industrial and individual human activities.

Q. What’s the problem? We seem to be better prepared now to face it.

Yes, on the surface, from 10000 deaths to 218 now we seem to be better prepared, but the total cost of damage is huge, and it reverses so much of developmental outcomes.

Humanity is facing the twin challenges of the desperate need for development and the catastrophic outcome of damages done to the environment because of its activities over the last hundred plus years. Humanity now stands facing an irreversible global crisis that is much bigger than the extinctions of the past. It stands to affect everyone in ways we are not prepared to tackle. The benefits of all the development in one area can get swept away just by one cyclone. Most parts of Mumbai can get submerged if the sea level rises by a meter. This will have a chain effect that will impact those who are thousands of miles away. The economy is like our environment - there are no boundaries. Humanity is collectively facing it together.

Q. What are the choices we have?

We don’t have the choice of opting for one and not the other. Both are not mutually exclusive but are highly interdependent. One has to balance it and slow the pace of damage to bring the earth to an equilibrium.

Q. Then how do we balance it?

It’s left with just one choice to conduct its activities responsibly. That is first by ensuring that the global value chain does its best by closing the leakages at all levels of economic activities to minimize resource depletion, minimization of waste and emission.

This is easier said than done!

Yes, that is the reason why this discussion is being made. Human activities involve just not his lifestyle, attitude, and behaviour in its simplistic manifestation but the same and additionally the interest of the thousands of organizations big and small who take part in production till waste management.

Q. How do we tackle this?

First by being responsible. By being responsible we mean that the fact of depletion, waste, and emission arising directly from his activities should remain in very entities subconscious and he should feel responsible to minimize it by changing his behaviour and constantly looking at newer ways to constantly reduce it.

Q. Is it possible?

Theoretically being carbon neutral is impossible but the intent to go neutral and change in the behaviour at every individual or value chain level can show dramatic change at the level of Society, Environment and Individual.

Q. How?

When we talk of change in behaviour or practice at the level of organizations, we talk of our usage; how properly we use it and keep it maintained. We all know how a properly used and maintained car not only gives good mileage but remains in working condition well beyond its official life. The change in the behaviour can immediately be seen at the level of the environment in reduced emissions, extended life means that the load on the resources at the level of production and manufacturing is lessened and the efficiency and extended life of the car reduces the total cost of ownership of the individual.

Well, it's simple right?

Though to a motivated person, it is. But very difficult at the level of organizations which have thousands of people, acres of real estate, and thousands of micro and small assets of hundreds of categories. And then there are well-established interests deeply entrenched in keeping the system inefficient and being inefficient in an unsupervised setup.

Q. What is the way?

Technology has come to the rescue of individuals and enterprises to help them do responsible business. It helps organizations establish a system of proper use and maintenance of their assets by its human resources. Smart monitoring tools can not only govern all the organization's activities but also provide a measurement of the benefits which is accrued at the level of organization, environment, and society.

Q. Then what’s stopping us?

Well, that’s something you need to answer. What is stopping you from being responsible?

IrrFAN

Just a day before 29^th April 2020, if anyone had asked me who my top 10 favorite male actors are, he would not have found a mention - maybe his name would not even have crossed my mind. I was not his fan. And If I am writing this piece after a week of his death with a deep sense of loss still in my heart; he was just not another accomplished actor for me.

What was he then? What was he to all of us?

On that day, I was depressed, edgy and knew something was not quite right.

In the evening I was strolling with a friend and randomly stopped by at a food charity to donate some money to lend a helping hand, I felt a distinct lump in my throat.

Unusual. I was perplexed by my own reaction. A friend calls at night to tell how she has been handling the news of Irrfan Khan’s death since morning and how she could not hold it any longer and broke down in her bathroom. That lump in my throat was coming back. Another friend I spoke to the next day, couldn’t speak in as many words, but the fact that he was deeply disturbed was apparent. Now it was clear, it was Irrfan who was causing all these. I thought this news in the gloomy times of COVID is perhaps accentuating our reactions. Had never cried over the death of an actor – he was my age almost.

Posts in the social media were overflowing. But something was different, the posts were not in the usual line how obituaries are written. The reaction of the people who didn’t know him personally but through the roles, obituaries by the people he worked with, those who mentored him, those who gave him his first chance, those who he gave their first chances were all over the place. Those were not the words of adulation reserved for a highly talented, successful or accomplished persons, but the words we naturally use on losing our best friend, our pet – the one we knew too closely, the one with whom we shared a deep bond, the one we trusted, the one we could go to share our deepest fears, and talk about our failures.

How can the reaction towards the person he was and the persona he became on the screen be the same?

We all know how diametrically different both can be. Writers and artists are infamous for breaking our fantasy with their real selves. In the case of Irrfan, if only a thousand would be knowing him personally, millions knew him through his screen persona.

Sahabzade Irfan Ali Khan, was popularly known by his film name Irrfan Khan. Many liked him on the screen but did not carry him back to their homes nor pasted his poster on their walls. The connect ended there. He was chilled but not conventionally cool. Who would give attention to a person who has the unkempt look of a common man, deep bulging eyes of a drunk man, no heroic swagger, no style of his own, no great voice or didn’t deliver his dialogues in the best theatrical way? He was not perfect. He did not fight for what he thought was right or was his right – he let go of things which wanted to go their way. He was honest in expressing his wishes but moved on when denied. He did not break down on losing but accepted failure with a smile - the smile of a resilient determined warrior.

Now perhaps I know why so many of us feel we knew him. We in him were seeing ourselves living our lives, losing things, picking up the remnants and moving on to rebuild our ravaged cottages and still smiling and waving at a friend as if nothing has happened. Our heroics lie in our ability to stand up again and again after falling and after being betrayed by the world around us.

He was our hero, he was us!

Sridevi wont die

Sunday, 25th February 2018, 5.30 AM, as I lazily checked my phone; a mention of Sridevi passing away flashes by. I, in my sleepy wakefulness, didn’t register much. A few days earlier Sylvester Stallone was given this treatment and I thought this to be of the same type. I checked site after site and by then it was all over the media and the news of her death was shirking from the headlines.

That, Sridevi the superstar of yesteryears passed away at the age of 54 of a massive heart attack while she was at Dubai to attend a function! The reality of it all sinks in. With all the medical advancement happening around us, any news of a physically fit person passing away at 54 takes time to accept. Being almost of the same age group, you are made conscious of your own vulnerability. Sadness, disbelief, nervousness because of our own vulnerability envelops you.

Laden with conflicting emotions in your heart, you are transported to the year 1982.

The first year in my college, the first few tastes of independence, a period of life when you are tempted to do things which were denied to you, the thrill of breaking the law was not only fashionable but the only way to grow up. Escaping for a movie was the best we could afford to do in those days. Heard from friends that a new girl has arrived and her movie Himmatwalla is about to release this Friday. Some had started collecting money for booking the tickets for the first day first show in bulk. Those days it took only 5 rupees to witness and immerse ourselves in the world of fantasy. The excitement was palpable on that day. Bunking of the class was smoothly executed and we found ourselves safely seated. We were left in the darkness of the hall to deal with our respective dark and lurid fantasies.

The moment of truth arrived and she happened. In the movie, she was introduced in a rather comical situation. Wearing a pair of hot pants and tightly fitting tee she was shown doing a hopping exercise. With each hop her assets would bounce and it kept on happening for good 3/4 reps and matching that were our hungry hearts leaping out of its cage 100 times faster. The scene changed and you could listen to every person in the hall blowing out a cold sigh. The Thunder thighs from the South had just landed with a bang on our filmy subconscious.

It was not limited just to that show in that hall, it happened everywhere. So powerful was the collective sigh all across the country that it heralded a new genre of movies heavily influenced, financed, produced and acted on the southern sensibilities and taste. Riding that tide many actresses made their way to the Bollywood. Himmatwalla was followed by movies like Tohfa, Justice Chaudhury and many such outrageous movies with equally outrageous actors, sets, costume, dialogue, lyrics, storyline, plot, situation, and comedy. Southern kitsch was mainstreamed. So powerful was the tide that major actors were seen wearing Rajkumar style wigs with heavy sideburns and mustaches. It continued for 6 more years till Amir Khan and Juhi Chawla happened with the movie Quayamat Se Quayamat Tak in 1986 - Bollywood was back being watchable.

I never liked Sridevi - the heartthrob of our times, as an actress or as an inspiring personality but can’t deny her impact on our evolving, bumbling sexuality at that stage of our lives especially at a time when assessing a female anatomy was even elusive visually, forget physically. She with her bouncing bosoms and thunder thighs triggered a passionate curiosity of national scale amongst the boys of my age at that time. Later she graduated into more meaningful cinema like Sadma and to me, her best was her role in the movie Gauri Shinde’s movie English Vinglish where she plays the role of a homemaker who sets out to discover the world. She last appeared in a home production called Mom. There were many movies with her on the floor. Don't know what will happen to those movies.

Now, at the age when our coming to terms with dysfunctionality is a necessity, the memories of our youthful awakening are still fresh. You won’t die Sridevi as long as the memories of our growing up don’t! Your name in the annals of cinematic history is permanent.