Peace, Piece by Piece

As I prepared myself to return to my routine life, after living almost off-grid for three days at Koraput, I realised that I was in a different state of mind which I had not experienced in the last few months. I was much calmer and in harmony with my immediate surroundings.

I tried to recall what had happened in the last few months. India’s dream run in the Cricket World Cup 2023 and its miserable defeat in the finals, IPL matches, T20 World Cup and Indian win, General Elections and the unexpected results, political uncertainty, garish and overstretched marriage of an Ambani scion, and the Rath Yatra mishaps and this Ratnabhandara commentary have left us feeling lost, defeated, anxious, uncertain, joyful, and irritated in some way or the other. There was hardly anyone who was not affected by these events. We did react to them in our own way, but these past few months can’t be described as peaceful in any form.

 

While driving on the beautiful roads running through those emerald mountains adorning the crown of monsoon clouds and seeing a small child taking shelter from the sudden rain under his rickety umbrella, I for a moment realised that the baggage of worries I am carrying from my world and his worries are so different. At the same time away from the footprints of online news outlets, newspapers both local and national, and unaffected by the global chaos at all the airports and banking hubs due to the Microsoft Global Server outage, the worries of the child under the umbrella and mine were quite similar.

 

If we keep my baggage out of the equation both of us had similar worries – both didn’t want to get wet. That was our immediate concern and how simple and small it was.

 

Was I not in peace earlier?

 

While driving back to my base after my trip, I tried to make sense of the exact meaning of the word ‘Peace’ which we so liberally and casually use without giving much thought to it.

 

The search tool on my phone helped.

 

It said Peace is a complex and multifaceted concept that can be understood in various ways, depending on the context and perspective. Some common meanings of peace include the absence of conflict or violence: Peace can refer to a state of quiet, calmness, and serenity, where there is no war, fighting, or violence; Inner tranquillity: Peace can also describe a state of inner calmness, serenity, and contentment, where an individual feels at ease with themselves and their surroundings; Harmony and balance: Peace can represent a state of balance and harmony within oneself, with others, and with the environment; Reconciliation and resolution: Peace can involve the process of resolving conflicts, forgiving, and reconciling with others; Social justice: Peace can also imply a state of social justice, where individuals and groups are treated fairly, equally, and with dignity.

 

Overall, peace encompasses various aspects of human experience, from personal inner calm to global harmony and understanding. Our ancient literature and wisdom have put enormous importance on peace. If the stanzas of ‘Santipatha’ are studied, it has given a list of areas where and how peace needs to be established to allow the development of just not human beings but of the flora and fauna.

 

Of all the connotations of peace mentioned above, what matters the most to us and the world is our inner tranquillity, harmony and balance with our immediate surroundings.

 

By analysing the difference in my state of mind earlier and what it was in the last three days, I shortlisted a few things that we are exposing ourselves to which are eluding peace in our lives. What are they?

 

The factors can be broadly categorized into two thematic groups.

 

The first is the exogenous factors which means what affect our tranquillity from outside and the endogenous factors, which culminate inside us which affect our balance and harmony with our surroundings.

 

The exogenous factors can be of the following types.

 

Which makes us focus on things that don’t affect us and over which we have no control.

 

We are consuming content from almost every corner of the world and on an astounding number of topics. Earlier it was limited to our immediate neighbourhood or at best our city. Our exposure to information through electronic media has made us highly vulnerable to its negative effects of it. News of Wars, invasions, and political disturbances in distant countries are beamed to our homes and phones in real-time. Critically seen these incidents don’t have any immediate impact on our lives and neither we are responsible for them, nor do we have any control over their outcomes. A stream of news makes us anxious and nervous internally. Unknown to us negative news consumed at the beginning of the day, affects our mood and that in turn affects our thought and behaviour subsequently.

 

A mind with an appetite for unnecessary curiosity for others’ lives and feeding on the news of accidents, rapes, violence, and political upheaval can never be called a peaceful mind.

 

Which makes us focus on things that we don’t have.

 

Unknown to us, we live with a sense of blissful autonomy when we are the fodder for many. Political parties and big business houses selling goods and services use various channels and complex algorithms of manipulation to drive our minds into doing things as they want or buying things they sell by planting a need for them in our minds. Open a newspaper in the morning and you will find advertisements of premium real estate, cars, jewellery, holiday packages and tools of a supposedly good lifestyle seducing and encouraging you to acquire them.

 

They focus on triggering that sense of inadequacy in you to make you work hard to acquire them. That’s called having the aspiration for growth. While you were grateful for having a car which helped you to commute on a rainy day; the advertisement of the launch of a new brand or a new model makes you realise that that same car is now old, doesn’t have the modern features, completely changing your perspective towards it.

 

A smart mind can see through the ploy but most of us will keep thinking about it and subconsciously start the preparation towards acquiring it one day somehow.

 

This seed of ‘Lack’ would grow in you to make you steal, borrow, divert from the essentials and splurge to acquire your aspirational products. Most of the latest iPhones purchased in India are through EMIs. The consequences of not being able to manage to pay them back are not what a peaceful life constitutes of. Many lives are lost to their inability to deal with debts and many lives are spent in the drudgery of managing EMIs.

 

The endogenous factors can be of the following types.

 

Two prominent attributes of the human mind that differentiate it from other animals are Memory and Imagination. This perhaps is the byproduct of being of a higher intelligence order. We are a unique species with the ability to keep recreating the images and scenarios of the past and the future in our minds and silently working on them in our minds.

 

We make ourselves focus on things of the past that can’t be reversed.

 

Our present version is the accumulation of experiences and scars of the past. From our childhood, we bear the wounds of our disappointments, traumas and frustrations to our adulthood. Behind the happy faces that abound in the world and the false world of social media, there exist several unhappy souls who continuously suffer their memory and their personalities carry the signs of their past trauma. Each of us knows that the past is gone and can’t be reversed. But the stickiness of the past is so high that very few can detach themselves from it. Wise ones are practical enough to detach themselves from their past and accept the present as it unfolds. But most upon reaching a new milestone of our lives be it a new relationship or a changed and better opportunity, we subconsciously remember some of the scars and try to reverse them or ameliorate them to some extent.

 

A person who has lived a life of material or emotional inadequacy would try to make good on the new opportunity. Non-achievement of it leads to further scars and traumas.

 

We make ourselves worry about things of the future that may not happen.

 

Self-preservation is a primal instinct of every living organism. The animals of higher intelligence orders are good at seeing dangers to life ahead of time and are far better at protecting them. Awareness of his surroundings and his innate intelligence make him design better strategies to protect himself in the future. Adapting to the changing environment not only to preserve themselves but to help it propagate

 

This awareness makes him plan for dangers and risks and making provisions for it becomes one of his life goals. We are trained to save for the rainy days, for our financial independence post-retirement and also for our future unforeseen medical expenses. Unregulated awareness can also lead to irrational fear.

 

When fear becomes more, we not only think of our future but also of our dependents and start planning and worrying for them too. History tells us that most of the things in the future we fear never happen. But an unregulated mind will constantly worry about his goals and never be at peace until he succeeds in achieving them. Such anxious minds invariably invent another goal and start chasing it and worrying about achieving it. It’s an infinite loop.

 

Modern lifestyles urge everyone to join a rat race and be successful in the name of peace and happiness. But Success and Achievements don’t always lead to happiness and peace. We need to teach acceptance and seek contentment in the present and what we have in hand to live in calm and harmony. Memories are extremely sticky. We need to practice detachment from the past and teach ourselves that whatever had to happen has already happened and thinking about it and carrying it in our mind is at the cost of missing the present opportunities. We need to be aware that the future is uncertain. One best-laid plan may not be of any use because it may not be effective or that may not be adequate.

 

We understand peace or its importance after doing enormous damage to ourselves when it’s too late. Staying peaceful doesn’t come to us naturally. It requires a determined effort to reach that state.

 

 

*

Karthik Basanta

From being the poster boy of the party in the 2024 general election to the most glorious fall guy, no one in the recent past has seen such a smooth rise to the top, enjoyed vice-like control over the state and a dramatic and almost vertical drop to anonymity and infamy. Though his name has seen the largest attempts of mutilation, we will use a decent name ‘Karthik’ to represent that cyclonic political phenomenon he led in the last 8/9 years.

This essay is not to discuss him or his deeds but to discuss how smoothly the coup happened, how it was allowed to turn to this size, how it fell and the possibility of its recurrence.

 

What exactly was this phenomenon?

 

Many articles have been written on him. People like those blind men are trying to define him by only touching one side of the phenomenon. Their analysis is personal, superficial and mostly anecdotal because no one is privy to the actual game which was getting played out behind a lot of smokescreens and staged mock fights to befool the voters. The gullible voters were made to witness a binary duel, but unbeknownst to them the actual game may be much more complex. No one can absolve themselves of their active and passive contributions in making this phenomenon happen. Was he alone in this phenomenon or he was the face of a grand strategic collaboration that didn’t work this time?

 

The palace's secret is now buried deep underground in a time capsule.

 

It didn’t happen overnight taking everyone by surprise. By 2016-17 the rising concentration of power of the CM’s office was felt. Words like ‘3rd Floor desires’ ‘PS desires’ started making rounds in hushed tones. Slowly and progressively that floor led by the PS created its battery of loyal and trusted bureaucrats who grew in power by depowering the elected members, secretaries of other departments and other department heads. Decisions were taken by a few individuals and dictates were issued. Budgets were placed overnight without following due processes and industries were hollered to make good of the deficit by coughing out from their CSR funds; advertisements flooded all available space in the media on the day of the announcement of another new scheme. ‘Mo’ became the prefix to every government scheme designed to dole out financial assistance from birth to death. The number of such schemes were numbing, and the citizens felt as confused as a child in a pastry shop with largesse raining everywhere.

 

The infallible Oracle had his fingers on the pulse of the people, and there was no need to listen to the elected representatives to know the feelings of the people on the ground. A few strategists in the war-room to unleash a fusillade of schemes advertisements and communication material is all that was needed to run the government. That war room had perfected the right recipe for winning the hearts and votes of the citizens turning itself into an invincible election-winning machine. Thus, paling its opposition into irrelevance and leaving no scope for internal dissent and dissatisfaction.

 

The state saw a dramatically different picture when it was reeling under the COVID-19 pandemic. Media carried pictures of the PS of the CM (2000 batch) making rounds of the temporary healthcare facilities put up by the state on an emergency basis. The old-school bureaucrats shockingly saw an interesting picture. The PS was making sweeping hand movements to point in different directions and ordering instructions and the Chief Secretary of the State (1986 batch) and his other senior colleagues were seen walking just a few steps behind him taking notes. In the pecking order of bureaucracy such body languages are taught and religiously followed as some religious conventions. People know how to manage their public behaviour according to their ranks.

 

The state got the message that who is the chosen one.

 

As power was getting more and more concentrated, the pace of implementation of projects, implementation and handover was happening overnight. The optics it created were blindingly bigger. Many accepted it as a fact that development in a democratic set-up is slow and this military-style mission mode delivery model is the only way to go – indirectly legitimising it.

 

Consistent electoral success gave rise to a new model where there was a God, his Son – the Prophet, his Apostles and their pastors.

 

It gave them the conviction that the traditional elected representative-led consultative democracy model could be dispensed with because the bedazzled voters are lapping up the doles and would vote for them anyway. This model reduced the voters to the level of beneficiaries whose only job is to push the right button in the EVM, elected representatives were positioned as pastors to spread the good word and the assembly building was reduced to the status of a landmark or an address.

 

The moot point here is not that such a thing happened but the ease with which it occurred.

 

Not a single word of protest, a semblance of resistance or question in murmur was heard in the public forum. The administration, legislators from the ruling party and the opposition reeling under the scrouge of COVID didn’t realise that this would turn into a mushroom cloud by the end of the pandemic in 2022. By then the press, bureaucracy and the system at the centre which could have put such a takeover to some check, threw all rules and conventions out of the window to legitimise it. No one resisted because the ones who could have done so were all enjoying their party on the gravy train. Were we that helpless or didn’t want to topple the applecart loaded with honey does not need any research as the answer is too obvious.

 

This system went ahead unopposed and unquestioned bypassing every check and balance in the rule book of administration and governance and by 2024 only God and the voters were the last hope to stop this juggernaut.

 

People voted and the message could not have been louder. Many felt that they threw the baby with the bathwater. They didn’t like the person who they perceived as the one who held their dear CM hostage and ruled the state in proxy by turning him into a helpless puppet. The party which had supported this model at the centre in the past chose to oppose it this time thus reaping all the electoral dividends.

 

Many may absolve themselves by calling in ‘Waqt ka taqaza’ or ‘Political expediency’, but there is blood in everyone’s hand.

 

Did it happen for the first time in a democratic country?

 

No, we know about the huge power enjoyed by the offices of the PM presently and many CMs of various states in the past. Governance happens in India through the PM-CM-DM model. Then what was unique in this case?

 

What was different was the complete physical absence of the CM from the scene, non-interaction with the senior bureaucrats and police officials and even the ministers and the legislators. The PS stood at the gate to the CM’s residence blocking everyone and communication, thus moving the CM to a shadow or a vignette and planting himself not only on the poster but on the centre stage of the election campaign, this was unprecedented, and this level of delegation filled everyone with anxiety and rattled everyone. The latent anxiety was if the decisions taken were of the CM’s or his.

 

People didn’t like this model of democracy where their participation was limited to standing in the choir to sing peans and pressing buttons and having no role in the consultative processes. Did the administrators like this model of administration? The answer is again no, because most of them were rendered powerless and the powers to decide were concentrated with a small group of favourites. Did the people’s representatives like it? No, because the voters realised their irrelevance, powerlessness and helplessness.

 

Then, can this dreadful cancerous model recur?

 

This experience shows that all the checks and balances and safeguards in the rulebook to draw the perimeter and boundaries of the power of the players can be breached when a grand collaboration of multiple interests converges in a particular situation. What are the new safeguards, are we talking about it? Someone has said, those who don’t remember their history, are condemned to repeat it. Do we remember the mistakes made in our recent history? Are we vigilant enough not to let it return? Will only our remaining vigilant help or do we need much more than that? These are the uncomfortable questions that are not even raised and need to be answered soon.

 

"If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?" is a line from the poem Ode to the West Wind. The line ends the poem on an optimistic note, suggesting that spring is not far off even during the winter months. But looking at the recent past when such a thing not only happened but happened with considerable ease and the current trend at other places, I am not hazarding my optimism.

 

Rather, I am tempted to quip “If Karthik could come, can Basanta be far behind?” The worrying point is how different will Basanta look from Karthik? And can we spot the similarities?

Where Curiosity Ends

The morning of 20th May, as I was sharing my morning cup of tea with my mother, she started chatting with me mostly to brief me about the things that had happened in the family and in our neighbourhood. 

She broached the topic concerning a recently married relative of ours not going right. After seeing my non-interest to participate in the discussion, she changed the topic to the latest and most happening thing which has captivated the whole nation – the 2024 Election. Realising that most of her observations are a copy of the narrative created by the local TV channels - each of which voices the interest of one of the major political parties, I chose to caution her.

I asked her, why is she watching these channels which are out to manipulate her mind and influence her decisions and why is she curious to know about the life of the relative over which we have no influence or control to guide it for the better? Is it not a waste of time? 

She was visibly upset. But was she an exception? 

I think, all our mothers do talk about such general things. Do we expect them to discuss jobless growth and income disparity in our country with us? No. Every one of us indulges in such discussions occasionally in our free time; some more some less.

For us, it can be a discussion, to the person being discussed, it's gossip.

Same day, by early evening a Tweet from Rohit Sharma created a flutter in the media. He directly blamed the broadcaster Star Sports for intruding into the privacy of the players and releasing content that had nothing to do with the game being played. It was a private conversation between his teammates. He prayed for good sense to prevail and appealed to everyone involved to show respect, sensitivity and maturity while dealing with an individual's right to privacy and public curiosity. The channel realising the insatiable appetite of the cricket crazy nation to know anything and everything about their cricketing heroes publicised the conversation after being requested not to do so, in their enthusiasm, not respecting where to fix the boundary of the viewers’ curiosity before that turning voyeuristic which intrudes into peoples’ private spaces.

Such invasions are commonplace now with the advent of easily accessible and affordable communication devices. Unknown to us our privacy is violated by many, and we are gleefully violating others’ space too.

Two incidents in one day. The first is about our curiosity, how to stay curious and control it by directing it and regulating it to give positive outcomes without damaging us and things around us. The second is about how we are vulnerable to other’s curiosity and how they can or are manipulating us to get their interest achieved.

Curiosity is not a bad thing. 

Every journey of major scientific discovery has begun by someone’s curiosity. The history of scientific discovery is filled with stories of how individual curiosity has resulted in great scientific discoveries that have optimized human efforts of that time and resulted in the overall well-being of society. One can’t be curious about everything at once. Such curiosity is naturally drawn to a specific topic based on one’s interests, experiences, and biases. The journey gives us unknown knowledge and the chance to discover unplanned and unexpected objects and results. That journey comes with its cost. It requires a great deal of focus, attention, time, and financial resources. 

We are generally curious about famous people like politicians, sports personalities, cinema stars and successful new-age businessmen; to know more about them and their private lives beyond their work. If their authorised biographies sell like hotcakes, their unverified salacious sides them make rounds through gossip circuits and unregulated media. Many draw inspiration from the various situations they tackled in their lives and use them to manage their own. This also has led to the existence of the paparazzi culture which relentlessly tracks famous people and feeds the hungry audience with the minute details of their private lives with photos and saucy news creating a multitude of speculations. A casual dining out with a male friend at a restaurant leads to a national debate about whether everything is fine with her marriage. Excessive curiosity turns into obsession leading to unrealistic expectations and develops a cult personality around celebrities. This constant push and pull between the public interest and someone’s privacy leads to an ethical dilemma for the news outlets that thrive on TRPs, journalists who gather and post such stories and the fans who consume them.

If curiosity is good, unbounded curiosity comes packaged with negatives. Unethical exploration and exploration of the unknown and unknowable can frustrate us and lead us down paths that are harmful to us and others.

Every man is born curious. Scientists are curious, and so also, the cat in our house, and the monkey sitting on your balcony. What is the difference between us?

When we pick up a particular book to read, turn on a TV and tune in to a particular channel to watch a particular show or the particular anchor of a particular news, pick up a particular newspaper, choose a particular item to read in detail, trawl the internet, scroll the phone screen for a particular type of content, call a particular person to discuss another particular person, behind our general curiosity, we are naturally drawn to specific topic based on interests, experiences, and biases. It shows a predictable pattern. Our innate instincts drag us to what now can be called as Voyeuristic curiosity. A conscious mind can know when he wanders off from the track of positive curiosity to voyeuristic curiosity.

Curiosity and voyeurism offer a very thin strip of land to navigate between, especially when it comes to other people.

Ideally, curiosity about a famous person is fuelled by a genuine interest in their work, accomplishments, or public persona. This information is often readily available through interviews, documentaries, or public appearances. But when curiosity ventures into seeking out private details or experiences a person hasn't chosen to share, it edges towards voyeurism. A healthy curiosity often seeks to learn, understand, or appreciate someone better. But voyeuristic curiosity is often driven by a desire for excitement, titillation, or a sense of power over someone's privacy. Curiosity can be a positive force, inspiring fans to emulate good qualities, support causes, or appreciate a person's talent. However, voyeurism can have a negative impact, causing emotional distress, damaging reputations, and fostering an unhealthy obsession.

Many of us are slowly becoming aware of our vulnerability to someone else’s curiosity. Big companies like Google, Meta, X, and Instagram gather real-time data from our smart gadgets and sell it to the marketeers at a price or charge a fee as a marketplace. Unknown to us, newspapers, advertisements, social media platforms set traps to know more about the behavioural patterns of our consumption choices, preferences, and lifestyle, and income to drive traffic to our screens to grab our attention. Smart advertisement makers have realised the chink in the armour of their target audience and use the potential of social media to take advantage of this weakness and create contents to control and manipulate people’s minds towards a product, misinformation, and a political support base. The whole game of marketing involves discovering and exploiting these cracks and biases of human psychology and planting their seed to grow inside their target audience turning them their slaves.

We are privy to the power of WhatsApp and WhatsApp University and the damages it can cause. Thousands of digital warriors with pseudonyms were made to sit in front of their terminals to produce and push content to your screen which used an algorithm that exploited these patterns of yours. Highly educated and rational people these days are seen forwarding false, and doctored videos even without checking their veracity. If there were a thousand trolls in the IT Cell a decade back who were pushing one agenda, now every house has one or two who are fighting a non-existent enemy forgetting the immediate issues that concern him. Unknown to them their unbounded curiosity has slowly killed their rationale and turned them into zombies or puppets who are controlled by an invisible force to achieve his agenda.

Ultimately, the line between curiosity and voyeurism is subjective. By considering the factors mentioned above, one can determine if his interest in another person is healthy and respectful, or if it's veering into an intrusive and potentially harmful territory. A healthy balance is the key. Curiosity can be a positive force that fosters connection, but it's important to be respectful of others' privacy and boundaries.

_ * _

Pakhala – Our new cultural symbol

What's this brouhaha about Pakhala Dibasa?

Pakhala existed wherever there was rice - grown and consumed as a staple. Leftovers were treated the same way to preserve them till the next meal everywhere but called by different names.

Then why are we celebrating it? And why it's so important to us.

Odias despite their rich history and cultural superiority in many fields, for close to two centuries had to live under the shadows of more dominant neighbours at their north, south, and eastern borders. With their short stature, meek personality, agreeable, unassertive, and peaceful nature, they became the pushovers of the big boys who grew under the colonial patronage and exposure and on whose geographical fringes the Odias lived. Made to take subordinate roles always, words like Chuda, Mafsalia, and Gaunli were liberally used to describe the rural backwards to show them their place. Pakhalakhia was generally used to describe their preference for an easy-going life and insistence on a siesta after partaking it. They gulped the indignity showered on them, accepted the description and blamed themselves for their situation.

The scene has changed in the last 75 years and Odias are now everywhere from the leadership positions across the globe to migrant labourers. Places in Odisha are not in the remote outback or a pixel on some old maps but its pictures are found and flaunted in the metro stations to international airports attracting millions.

Odias are no pushovers now.

Celebration of pakhala symbolises the resurgence and assertion of Odias from their earlier state to the current where they stand shoulder to shoulder with others on equal terms. They turned the stick which was used to humiliate them into their totem pole. A successful person is never shy to show his humble past. He flaunts it when he is successful. Odias are successful - is the subtle message.

Who led the campaign?

Not the urban elite but the ones who are the product of the IT boom. They didn’t stay at Bhubaneswar to shed their muffosil blood by intermingling with the already settlers. They migrated from rural anonymity to metros like Gurugram, Hyderabad, and Bengaluru or foreign destinations after a short stay in some engineering colleges of Bhubaneswar. The early settlers were the self-deprecating self-flagellating who were defensive of their rustic past. Not this gang. Fired up by the new money, their rusticness couldn’t prevent them from asserting their place in society to be accepted as they actually are. They didn’t bother to wear the layers of makeup that others had put on to gain acceptance in the new landscape.

They have pushed the food of the poorest to the tables of the richest and the most powerful. Heads of the states are treated to the fare and celebrated chefs see immense merit in it because of its low calorie probiotic loaded goodness.

The only downside is the poor Pakhala who for thousands of years had basic salt and humble onion as her only company, now is surrounded by a galaxy of Uber side-dishes thus making her feel a bit like Sudama at Krishna's palace - out of place.

Pakhala is a witness to our glacial evolution; from the days of self-preservation to self-assertion through a small period of self-flagellation.

How are you, really?

Today is the 3rd day since Mohanty Babu passed away from a sudden cardiac arrest. A midlevel executive in a government department, he was to retire in May. These days when we see young people in their thirties, fit and fine with no medical history to worry about dropping dead without notice; the death of an almost senior citizen should not raise any eyebrow.

It was just one of those events which happened every day.

 

It was quite a shock for his wife as she had never spotted any signs of illness or stress which could be possibly corroding him from within; ditto his colleagues and relatives. His family stand devastated and distraught.

 

More information emerged about him after the usual chaos and hurly-burly of cremation got over.

 

Mohanty Babu married late because he had to settle his brothers and sisters. Now all of them are settled outside the state, he continued to be the sole bridge of his joint family taking the load of every small and big social and financial issue. He was the local face of his big joint family. He has not been able to build a house for himself and his daughter has just passed +2. His close relatives were naturally concerned. It was obvious that he must have been under a lot of stress and was possibly staring worryingly at the post-retirement life and the liabilities he was saddled with. His calm demeanour and routine lifestyle have successfully camouflaged the fire inside.

 

Are we going through similar worries that are choking us? Have we shared it with anyone close?

Was he alone or many are going through the same phase? Have we tried to spot them and tried to know?

 

When someone says "Hi, how are you?", it is typically a friendly greeting and a way for the person to show that they are interested in your well-being. It is a common greeting in English, but it can be a great way to start a conversation. It shows that you are interested in the other person and that you care about how they are doing. It's a way of asking someone how they are doing, both physically and emotionally. It can be used in both formal and informal settings, but it's more common in informal settings.

 

There are many different ways to respond to "How are you?". Some common responses include "I'm fine, thank you.", "I'm doing well.", "I'm good.", "I'm not too bad.".

The way we are expected to respond will depend on how we are actually doing and how well we know the person we are talking to.

 

If you are close friends with someone, you might be more likely to share more personal information about how you are doing. If you are talking to someone you don't know very well, you might be more likely to give a more general response.

 

A person can ask "Hi, how are you?" as a form of greeting while not being interested in the answer. In some cases, this could be due to habit, social convention, or a lack of genuine interest. In these situations, it's common for people to provide a standard response, even if it is not an accurate reflection of their true feelings.

 

Let’s try to recollect when was the last time we responded by saying "I'm hanging in there.", "I could be better." Or "I'm terrible."? Perhaps never.

 

In the era of social media, we have become accustomed to raving and ranting about the state and projecting a filtered successful and happy picture of ourselves. In this pervasive culture have we turned secretive ourselves or feel that our worries are not anyone’s concern? Or, we have turned passive to others’ worries in the name of not being too inquisitive or respectful of their wishes and privacy?

 

This shows how as individuals we have learnt not to share our worries with others and collectively as a community, we have stopped paying attention to other’s worries. 

 

Men are the biggest victims of this. From their childhood days are taught to be tough. They are socially conditioned not to complain about their pain both physical and emotional, people in their lives, their personal and professional situations and if they do, they are seen as weak, a loser, feminine and a whiner. When he grows up, he learns to accept the situation without complaint and fight it out and to protect the ones he is responsible for like his immediate family by not sharing the details of his problems. He does not want them to get affected by his worries. Somewhere there is that confidence that he can solve it with time, alone.

 

He unknowingly subscribes to the saying – Mard ko kabhi dard nahin hota. In the bargain, he lives like a living pressure cooker ready to explode anytime.

 

The solution lies not in the final resolution of what is causing his worries but in learning to destress himself by sharing his worries with a close confidant or sharing them with the people he wants to protect from these worries.

 

What are we doing to inquire about others' worries with the tone and intention to offer a solution or do our bit to alleviate his fears?

 

The answer to that lies in establishing a close relationship with your near ones where you can spot is worries from a distance and ask, “How are you, really?”

 

Which in no uncertain terms means “Cut the crap! And tell me what's wrong?”, “Dude, you done being so formal? Now tell me what's going on.”, “I know you lied that you're fine. I care for you, tell me what's bothering you.”, “Oh you depressed? You look pretty happy in your pictures. Now please clear the confusion & tell me how you are.”. 

 

Kaifi Azmi captured the same emotions when he wrote his famous song – Tum Itna Kyon muskura rahe ho, kya ghum hai jisko chupa rahe ho.

 

Do we have such a friend in our life who can see the pain behind our smiles and ask us “How are you, really”, and do we have the ability and attitude to say “How are you, really” to a friend who possibly is grappling with pain behind his projected happy façade?

 

Our empathy and sincerity in participating in somebody’s problems will develop a culture that will save dozens of lives around us, including our own.

 

*

What Do You Do?

It was still fifteen minutes to daybreak.

Usually, in the winter season, you don’t expect many people in this part of the park unless they are serious morning walkers. And I was preparing myself for a solitary walk in the misty dark morning.

But I was not alone; there was another walker ahead of me - I had company.

I, with my longer strides, chose to overtake the person who had made it to the park ahead of me. I came close and realized that though his strides are small, he is equally fast. After walking alongside for a few strides and making eye contact with him, I realized that I knew him. Here not wishing him was not an option. We met during some official event maybe a year back.

I wished him by nodding my head and with a smile and he reciprocated, I chose to walk at his pace as it suited me too. And we got talking about things in general. A lot of our interest areas were common. And as is my wont, I was quite candid about putting my tuppence in about things without bothering to know what he thought about it. He voiced his own opinions and agreed with most of mine either by voicing a laugh or by adding his to it and to the ones he didn’t agree with, he remained silent.

Amidst our discussion, he asked me – What do I do?

That’s the Indian way of asking for your professional position. I gave mine. And told him where we met last. I realized that he didn’t recollect our encounter.

I continued with my conversation.

After about ten minutes I realized some change and when I looked at him a little surprised by his reticence, I saw a mask of absolute disinterest in his face. While we were in an animated conversation a few minutes back, it had turned into a monologue. While he agreed with most of my points then, now he is dismissing it with an air of finality to end that topic.

He chose to pause without giving a reason. Almost asking me to go ahead with my walk.

The reason for his changed behaviour did not escape my eyes.

Another incident a few weeks later in the same park.

I saw this man in his late forties, with a typical successful businessman look coming towards me from the opposite side. We got close and he wished me with a Namaskar, and I reciprocated by doing the same. I didn’t know him and was quite touched by his gesture early in the morning. While exiting the park some thirty minutes later, I saw him standing near the gate with a few community members – I knew some of them. The next day almost at the same spot I saw him coming, and as I was gearing up to smile and wish him, he didn’t react. We breezed past each other as two unknown people.

The reason for his changed behaviour didn’t escape my eyes.

Neither of them knew me and was possibly misled by my important-looking appearance. It misleads many. The former, upon knowing my profession (What I do) realized that I don’t belong to his power hierarchy or social league and by mistake he had given me more time and ear to my conversation and chose to detach himself from it as I was not his equal; the latter, upon knowing from my acquaintances about what I do, realized that I am of no immediate value as his contact.

I introspected and realized that I am of no immediate value to most of the people in our community. I live in a community where I am not equal to many in terms of material wealth, power, and position and to those I am superior, I pose no threat to their interest or don’t offer any potential benefit – directly or indirectly. To both segments of people, I am not a potential contact they would like to nurture.

I was worthless to both.

This realization of worthlessness can be devastating to one’s self-worth and ego, especially to those unfamiliar with how Indians operate. Your identity as a person having other talents, capabilities, knowledge, and wisdom pales when put to test in this Risk-Benefit model.

Can you affect their interest negatively because of your position or positively by providing beneficial opportunities that determine your relevance in the community and the related interest to socialize with you or befriend you?

Is this a general behaviour?

While travelling in public transportation like a bus, train or flight, if you strike up a conversation with someone; the fourth or fifth sentence would be a question – What do you do? Don’t read it literally and answer. By that they don’t want to know about what you do at your work, they want to know a lot more. The sector you work in; private or public. The rank and position you hold. The country or city you work in.

Your answer will help him know your ‘Auqat’ – your worth, your value for him, which will make him treat you like God or Dog. The position that will give you an unbridled opportunity to abuse the power with zero accountability is hilariously called ‘Service’. Indians love that trophy behind that service and worship the one who sits there. No wonder we Indians are so obsessed with a few jobs. Either you make it to those positions or at least develop contact with them so that you can enjoy some of the largesse that can come your way.

In the book, Being Indian, Pavan K. Verma surgically bares open this typical trait in the Indians. He deals with this matter in the chapter – Power and how your worth is evaluated by your fellow community members.

Beneath the veneer of modernity and development we project, we are a deeply divided lot - Insular and class-conscious. We are ready to genuflect before the one who wields power to harm us or benefit us and not bat an eyelid to destroy or misbehave with someone less powerful or below us.

Some positions can be described in just three abbreviations which can make the person in front of you change his body language; take his hands above his ears bend his spine and give that smile that a small male monkey does when he meets a baboon bigger than him, and there are ranks which will make him see through you and dismiss your existence as some doormat.

Why are such achievements so aspirational?

Is it because of our background of being ruled by the erstwhile kings in a feudal set-up? Why do we want to give a substantial part of our life to catapult ourselves to a position that will make our fellow beings treat us as their rulers and we can treat them as our servants? It’s quite normal if they expect to be treated as royalty and you to behave subservient to them. Society neither resents it nor tries to change it. Why is it that despite being one of the largest democracies, we want a leader who doesn’t look like one of us but like someone sent from above? If he is one of us or from ranks below us, we will only respect him if he stands to cause harm to our interests and help us in achieving our aspirations.

Will this behaviour ever change? The answer lies in the question - will we change?

Not so Jawan Anymore

She refused to buy tickets for the movie Jawan for the 7th time today.

The movie Jawan was released on the 7th of this month and by today the global collection stands to cross 750 Cr. Each time its collection crossed a 100 Cr mark, I would get curious to see what was attracting people in hordes and would goad her to buy tickets. “My friends in Hyderabad have seen the movie and I know you and your taste; you will fret and fume and leave the hall halfway dragging all of us out with you. I don’t want to spoil my evening” was her reply. She was clear and firm on her stand this time too.

 

With my sole online booking agent refusing to comply, I am left with the only option of counting the box office collection without contributing a rupee to it. Both my taste, and opinion, and not buying its ticket are irrelevant to the success of the movie.

 

Our exposure to the world of cinema started in the early 80s when we had an array of movies to choose from. If the kitschy deluge of southern productions led by Sridevi and Jayaprada made us whistle and hoot; the best of parallel cinema by Ray, Mrinal Sen, Gautam Ghose, and Shyam Benegal made us think and Sai Paranjpe, Kundan Shah brand of humour made us smile and yearn for more. We always identified ourselves as what Ray would have termed as that sophisticated movie viewer who had the class and intellect to understand certain types of movies his ilk made.

 

To the current industry neither his review matters nor his contribution to the till. He is as irrelevant as the Khan Market intellectuals in the glitzy and noisy market of joy and celebration of India.

 

A few months back Nattu Nattu from the movie RRR won not only the Golden Globe under the best original song category but stunned all of us by winning the 95th Oscar. 

 

Deepika Padukone in the award ceremony stunned the audience with her looks, presence, and her electrifying smiles and spoke in her Indian accent, social media was abuzz with heaps of appreciation for her. Her speech to introduce the story of RRR was interrupted by intermittent cheers when she introduced the song Nattu Nattu as a Banger. The audience had not seen anything like this earlier. A team enacted the song on the stage and so riotous and energy-filled was the performance that the presenter Jimmy Kimmel was almost driven away by the dancers who performed on stage. Jimmy said, “This year we are not gonna play you off stage instead we have a group of performers from the movie RRR who are going to dance you offstage”.

 

Remember, a few years back the same Western movie world looked quizzically at the song and dance sequence of our typical movie. The characters breaking into a sudden song or a dance at every situation be it comic or tragic was something the Westerners couldn’t understand. 

But undaunted we kept producing such content because we loved it. 

 

The best of our directors and parallel cinema never got the attention of the Western movie industry barring a copy of Ray by Spielberg and a fan note by Scorsese. Now many like Priyanka Chopra have established themselves as mainstream actors doing a variety of roles and not playing the typical Asian immigrant anymore.  

 

The Bollywood songs and steps and Bhangra Punjabi beats are now an international culture to reckon with and the inspiration behind millions of views of reels, and shorts in the social media. The ones who have joined the bandwagon are just not Indians but people from the world over. 

 

A person with a rational mind and sophisticated taste can never sit through the antics and actions of a Rajnikant movie but the fact that he has more than 50,000 registered fan clubs and millions of fans in India and across the world is a tide big enough to throw these sophistication and sensible minds to the roadside.

 

Today no movie is running in parallel for that sophisticated viewer and no political party is ready to accommodate the Khan Market liberal narrative of the current situation. Those viewers with fine taste and sensibility are seen secretly wishing to see SRK and Nayanthara dishing out outrageous acts from the widescreen along with the masses and those ivory tower liberals are making rounds of the temples aligning themselves with the majoritarian. 

 

The kitsch and subaltern have arrived and are here to stay.

The lower segment of both social and cultural classes of society has crashed into the upper segment of higher consumption. And the market like a prostitute is too flexible just not to accommodate them but to bend itself to their liking. Sad but that's how cultures get formed and evolved. Market forces and popular politics are not the best ways to determine the right economics and politics for a country. At times I agree with Plato when he said not everyone should be given the power to vote.

If movies like Jawan, Pathan, and Gaddar 2 eat up 100% of the market. I don't hope to see a movie like Lunch Box will be ever made. It's a great loss to our cultural landscape. If everyone in the country becomes a fanboy of one person it will be a great loss to our democracy. 

 

The message of India is clear, love us, hate us, ridicule us, or ignore us but we are what we are. We don’t need your approval. We are mast in our world and your fine taste be damned. 

 

We are a world!